women bashing quotes……
“I think every woman under the age of 28 should be sat down and told that despite the socialization effects of television and Barbie, they are not princesses to be worshiped, they are people to be loved.” — Ross Brown.
Woman /n/ An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication […] The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey […] The woman is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.” — Balthasar Pober.
“Failing to be there when a man wants her is woman’s greatest sin, except for being there when he doesn’t want her.” — Helen Rowland.
“There goes a woman who knows all the things that can be taught and none of the things that cannot be taught.” — Coco Chanel (1883—1971), French dress designer.
“If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” — Winston Churchill, replying to Lady Astor who had said: ‘If you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee‘.
“Harris, I am not well; pray get me a glass of brandy.” — George IV (1762—1830), king of the United Kingdom, on seeing Caroline of Brunswick, whom he was to marry, for the first time.
“You have sent me a Flanders mare.” — Henry VIII (1491—1547), king of England. Said on meeting his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, for the first time.
“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is: What does a woman want ?” — Sigmund Freud.
You were born with your legs apart. They’ll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.” — Joe Orton (1933-67), British dramatist.
“You know, she speaks eighteen languages. And she can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.” — Dorothy Parker (1893—1967), US writer. Speaking of an acquaintance.
“There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.” — Helena Rubinstein (1882—1965), Polish-born US cosmetics manufacturer.
“Q: Why do women wear makeup and perfume ?
A: Because they are ugly and they stink !”
“Failing to be there when a man wants her is woman’s greatest sin, except for being there when he doesn’t want her.” — Helen Rowland.
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted“. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine“.
“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”
“Women complain about sex more than men. Their gripes fall into two major categories: (1) Not enough. (2) Too much.” — Ann Landers.
“The world will continue to reward insecurity as long as it’s individually packaged and wearing makeup.”
“I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with ‘Guess‘ on it. So I said ‘Implants?‘ She hit me.” — Woody.
“I wanna find a girl who loves me for my money, but doesnt understand math.” — jjsff8.
“The best measure of a woman’s honesty isn’t her income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on her bathroom scale.” — Arthur C. Clarke.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.” — Handy.
“Here’s some good advice for the guys: If you like a girl and you want to see if she likes you, put your hand on her crotch. If she gets an erection, she likes you! Only now you have a different problem.” — Susie Swanton.
“I like sticking my tits in my husband’s face, then asking for something really expensive. I inevitably get what I want. This, my friends, is what is known as a booby trap.” — Stephanie Thompson.
“Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.” — Bumper Sticker.
“— Can I smell your pussy ?
— Hell NO you pervert !!
— Oh ! Must be your feet…”
“Beauty times brains equals a constant.” — Beckhap’s Law.
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now 40 and looking for a girl with very big tits.”
“Some people think I have trouble controlling my bowels, but really I just wanted the Jacuzzi to myself.” — Mark D. Sabien.
“How can you say I’m not sensitive, baby? Look, I’ve been writing you a poem about our love. I just need to finish this one line. What’s a romantic word that rhymes with ‘penetrate‘ ? I’ve already used ‘fornicate‘ and ‘humiliate‘.” — Damon Milhem.
Women are like cigarettes: you don’t get very far by lighting their butts on fire.” — Smilin’ Sam.
“Q: How do you make a hormone ?
A: Don’t pay her.”
“Everyone has the right, without exception, to equal pay for equal work. Except for women.”
“Feminists say 60 percent of the country’s wealth is in the hands of women. They’re letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.” — Earl Wilson.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: THAT’S NOT FUNNY!!!!
“Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.”
“Girls get minks the same way minks get minks !”
“Answering ‘Who was that on the phone‘, with ‘Nobody‘, is never going to end that conversation.”
“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.” — Joan Rivers.
“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” — Dolly Parton.
“A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.”
“A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.”
“The natural reason why women’s butts are bigger than men’s is that the anvil must always be bigger than the hammer.”
“If all the research spent on beauty products for women had gone to space research, there’d already be fries stands on the moon”
“The only decent bone in her body was mine.” — E. Hemingway.
“Drink ’til she’s cute, but stop before the wedding” — Stephen Wright.
“If But for the Mercy of my Lord, that my paradise becomes a woman’s hell.” — St. Augustine.
“A woman’s place is at her husband’s feet.” — Pope Pius XIII.
“Women should be obscene and not heard.” — John Lennon.
“Socialite /n/: not bright enough to be an actress, too illiterate to be a reporter, too off-key to be a singer, too ugly to be a model, not good enough in the sack to be a porn star, yet not poor enough to be ignored.”
“An encounter with a beautiful woman is good medicine for the well organized logical mind a little jolt never hurt. Note that the anarchists have been saying this for years about the A-bomb and civilization.” — Encyclopadia Apocryphia.
“Sometimes i wonder if the fig leaf on Eve’s twat is actually an air freshener.” — Murdoc.
“’twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.” — W. C. Fields.
“A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.” — Lillian Day.
“My girlfriend said: ‘If you loved me you wouldn’t drink so much‘, I said: ‘If I didn’t drink so much I probably wouldn’t love you‘.” — Gary Muledear.
“Women are like telephones… They love to be talked to, they love to be held, but if you push the wrong button… you’re disconnected .”
“Whenever I go to a bar, I always go right up to the most beautiful woman in the room and say: ‘You’ve got something hanging out of your nose‘. Hey, since I’ve got no shot at her, I might as well humble her a little for the next guy.” — Michael Hayward.
“When women go wrong, men go right after them.” — Mae West.
“I’ve found that a good way to get slapped by a feminist upon meeting her is to reply: ‘Oh. You’re a feminist ? I think that’s so cute‘.”
“A man who won’t lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings.” — Olin Miller.
“A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.”
— You better remember each and every anniversary. When you met, the first date, when you proposed and yeah, when you got committed.
— Birthdays. It’s OK to forget age. Or at least preface it with: ‘well you don’t look a day over‘.
— Valentines day. A biggie. Plan ahead. They can spot last minute shopping efforts a mile away. A six pack and a candy bar won’t cut it.
— And practice your responses to the following: Do I look fat ? Do you still love me ? What are you thinking ? Do you think she’s good looking ? A moments hesitation will land you in the dog house.” — The Dobber.
“My friend goes through the wedding section of the Sunday paper looking at the brides-to-be and picks out a Dog-of-the-Week. I think that’s cruel toward women. Myself, I look to see who shows the most cleavage.” — Dave Henry.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
“Any married man should forget his mistakes — there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.”
“A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.”
“Men forget but never forgive, while women forgive but never forget.”
“There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman — before marriage and after marriage.”
“El Nino taught me that some of the most beautiful things in nature are also the most dangerous. Like 30 foot waves, giant thunderstorms, and topless blondes driving on rain-soaked highways.” — Mark Schmidt.
“With women, I’ve got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can’t get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.” — Marlon Brando.
“My girlfriend’s favorite erotic position is bending over my credit cards.”
“Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.” — Tolstoy.
“Women are nothing but machines for producing children.” — Napoleon.
“My biological clock says 12:00 and blinks.” — Tonitrus.
“I like smiling brightly, shaking a girl’s hand going: ‘Hi, i enjoy misogynistic violent sex acts!‘” — Decept404.
“Girls don’t have penises… At least that’s what I thought until I got kazaa…”
“Theres a chemical release in ur body after sex that induces sleep. It’s the body’s natural defense, to keep from talking to the girl.”
“When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, ‘Do what you like now‘.” — Tolstoy.
“With all the talent around, it’s sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.” — Ralph Kiner, on introducing an award winner.
“In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.”
“Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox ?
A: About 5 drinks.”
“What they wrote in the news about beer containing female hormones must be true, because after 10 beers a man becomes as stupid as a woman.”
“Let me put it this way: my date was like an RPG… she was long, expensive, and full of monsters.” — deathcubek.
“The more I learn about women, the more I love my dog.”
“I had a wife once, but her husband came and got her.”
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.” — Henny Youngman.
“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” — Milton Berle.
“I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her.” — Bumper sticker
“I was at a magic show once, and the magician chose my wife for a helper and then sawed her in half. Alas, it was only an illusion.” — Larry Hirsch.
“You know, I’ve been wanting to go out with you ever since I read the stuff on the men’s bathroom wall two years ago…”
“The government runs the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.” — Scott Adams.
“San Francisco Personal Ads, you will never find a more retched hive of scum and villainy: ‘I’m looking for a cute strong guy with a truck to help me move a couch from Dolores Park to Oakland some time this week during the evening. I’ll buy you dinner afterwards. Picture required‘. In other words: ‘you must be THIS hot to move my furniture‘.” — MrBeanTroll.
“I woke up the other morning at 4:00 am to find some woman banging on my door. I was like, WTF ?… So I got up, and let her out.” — Neo.
“At first I thought: ‘How could women be from Venus ? It’s got an atmosphere of poisonous gas !‘ And then I made the connection: potpourri !” — Larry Hollister.
One day God said to Adam, “I’m going to give you the perfect mate. She will do everything you ask of her and she will always love you.”
“That sounds great, but how much will it cost me ?” Adam asked.
“Oh, God said, It will cost you an arm and a leg.”
“Well Adam said, What can I get for a rib ?”
“I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months — I don’t like to interrupt her.”
“Women: You can’t live with them; You can’t live without them. That’s probably why you can rent one for the evening.” — Jim Stark.
“If it floats, flies or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent.”
“What’s the job application to Hooters ? They just give you a bra and say: ‘Here, fill this out’.”
“Teenage kids these days think sex is some kind of game where you keep track of how far you got with whom. That’s pretty immature if you ask me. Anyone with brains knows it’s about how many chicks you bang.” — Tim H. Richweis.
“If there is one thing I know about women, it’s that you should never laugh until you absolutely — I repeat, absolutely — know that they’re joking.” — Mark Dockham.
“I think the fact that feminism has just recently arrived after a few thousand years of male domination says something: women are a little slow.” — Graeme Glinski.
“I have P.M.S. and a gun; Any questions !?!” — Seen on a woman’s T-shirt.
“What does an old woman taste like ?
“Woman are like elephants to me. I like to look at them but I wouldn’t like to own one.” — W.C. Fields.
Women should not be enlightened or educated in any way. They should, in fact, be segregated as they are the cause of hideous and involuntary erections in holy men.” — St. Augustine.
“Any woman who does not give birth to as many children as she is capable is guilty of murder.” — St. Augustine.
“Brigands will demand your money or your life, but a woman will demand both.” — Samuel Butler.
“I was making out with my girlfriend: ‘Hey, baby, I’d like to get a little pussy‘, I whispered in her ear. ‘Oh, me too‘, she replied, ‘mine’s as big as a barn‘.”
“There’s a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me.” — John Erskine.
“Girls are like nun chucks: they are awesome! But when u mess up it hurts …alot.” — monetcopy.
“Girls are like Wolfenstein 3D. If you get far enough, you have to fight Hitler himself.” — Laemtao.
“I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That’s exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich — the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.” — Scott Adams.
“A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn’t want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.” — Somerset Maugham, The Circle.
“— What would you guys do without us women ?!?”
“— Domesticate another animal.”
“When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.”
“A man who likes to lie in bed can usually find a girl willing to listen to him.”
“When a guy goes to a hooker, he’s not paying her for sex, he’s paying her to leave.”
“Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.” — Ellyn Mustard.
“You can solve most problems by putting a pillow on her face.” — My grampa.
“I’ve finally found the perfect girl, I couldn’t ask for more. She’s deaf and dumb and over-sexed. And owns a liquor store.”
“Here’s to our wives and sweethearts — may they never meet.” — John Bunny.
“Of course I like women. Historically, man has always been attracted to Evil.” — Timothy McClanahan.
“MilliHelen /n./: the amount of beauty required to launch one ship.”
“I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.” — George Carlin.
“Some girl just came onto our floor and was yelling ‘sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper‘. I just asked her what the paper was about and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism.” — kylev.
“Cad /n./ A man who doesn’t tell his wife that he’s sterile until she’s pregnant.”
“She was like: ‘are you enjoying this ?‘ And I was like thinking, dude, it feels like I’m fucking a bowl of spagetti-Os or something.” — TFreak.
“Remember when you were a kid and the boys didn’t like the girls? Only sissies liked girls? What I’m trying to tell you is that nothing’s changed. You think boys grow out of not liking girls, but we don’t grow out of it. We just grow horny. That’s the problem. We mix up liking pussy for liking girls. Believe me, one couldn’t have less to do with the other.” — Jules Feiffer.
“Every woman’s a 10. It just depends upon which base you’re counting in.”
“An 11 is a 10 who doesn’t have headaches.”
“In every woman there is something good, but you have to put it in yourself…”
“A man must be potent and orgasmic to ensure the future of the race. A woman only needs to be available.” — Masters and Johnson.
“A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave… The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities — a natural defectiveness.” — Aristotle.
“A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.” — Herodotus.
“A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.” — L. Ron Hubbard.
“Pregnancy tests: Blue line means your pregnant, yellow socks mean you missed.”
“Girls are like rocks; you skip the flat ones.”
“God created the orgasm so that women can moan even when they are happy.”
“God created woman. And boredom did indeed cease from that moment — but many other things ceased as well! Woman was God’s second mistake.” — Friedrich Nietzsche (1844—1900) German philosopher.
“I have always dreamed of being in bed with a hot woman. Little did I know I would have to wait until she reached menopause.” — Lee Entrekin.
“I have never had a woman to give me a headache.” — 112-year-old South African Nicklaas Amsterdam, explaining that life without sex had worked wonders for him.
“In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns.” — Fabrizio, The Godfather.
“Q: Why does the bride always wear white ?
A: Because it’s good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.”
“Q: how long does it take you to get over a girl ?
A: I dunno… depends on how big she is.”
“Dames lie about anything — just for practice.” — Raymond Chandler.
“The other day my girlfriend asked me about my wildest fantasies. I probably shouldn’t have told her they all involved other women.” — shyster.
“Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.” — Chinese Proverb.
“I hate parties, because you have to look good, but if you look too good other girls get jealous, and if you look not good enough they talk nasty about you.”
“My high school guidance counselor told me my aptitude tests revealed that I could pretty much do anything I liked — then she turned around and slapped me. Women!” — Jerry L. Embry.
“Don’t be a sexist. Chicks hate that.”
“Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.” — Rush Limbaugh.
“The way to a woman’s heart is through your wallet.” — Jeremy Keating.
“A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.” — Adolf Hitler.
“A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing — tender, sweet, and stupid.” — Adolf Hitler.
“The Two Things about Women:
1. When complaining, they don’t want your advice, they want your sympathy.
2. Don’t you dare tell them you can sum them up with just Two Things.” — Glen.
“My wife helped intensify my religion. Yes. Until I married her I didn’t believe in hell.”
“I hiked in the bush once but i told her to shave that shit or i’d never do it again.”
“I love women. I love every bone in their body. Especially mine.”
“Here is God’s cruel joke: by the time a guy figures out how women work, his penis doesn’t work anymore.” — Loveline.
“Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand.” — Benny Hill.
“Nymphomaniac /n./: A Girl That Can Only Count Up To Sex.”
“Nymphomaniac /n./ also nympho; a list of women which likely comprises none of the women you would like and most of the women you wouldn’t.”
“What’s a nymphomaniac ? A woman who wants sex more than you do.” — Alfred Kinsey, sexologue.
“And then Adam said, ‘What’s a headache ?‘.”
“Like all young men, you greatly exaggerate the difference between one young woman and another.” — George Bernard Shaw, Major Barbara.
“Belladonna /n/ in Italian, beautiful lady; in English, a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential similarity of the two languages.” — Ambrose Bierce.
“Female /n./ Life support system for a pussy.”
“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.” — P. J. O’Rourke.
“As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power…” — Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica.
“Are Women Human ? In the year 584, in Lyon, France, 43 Catholic bishops and 20 men representing other bishops, after a lengthy debate, took a vote. The results were 32 yes, 31 no. Women were declared human by one vote.”
“Here’s to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.” — Ambrose Bierce.
“Many a woman hasn’t realized that she was raped until the check bounced.”
“A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.” — Pancho Villa.
“Q: What do women and condoms have in common ?
A: They both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis.”
“We have drugs to make women speak, but none to keep them silent.” — Anatole France.
“There is always a need for intoxication: China has opium, Islam has hashish, the West has woman.” — André Malraux (1901-1976).
“A beautiful woman is the hell of the soul, the purgatory of the purse, and the paradise of the eyes.” — Fontenelle.
“Christ called as his Apostles only men. He did this in a totally free and sovereign way.” — John Paul II (1920-2005) Polish Pope.
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.” — Aristotle Onassis.
“The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.” — Woody Allen, ‘Without Feathers’.
“If my wife really loved me, she would have married someone else !”
“Do you know why they call it PMS ? Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.” — Unknown, presumed deceased…
“Men get laid, but women get screwed.” — Quentin Crisp.
“No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.” — Honoré de Balzac (1799—1850) French novelist. La Physiologie du mariage.
“In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.” — The Hindu Code of Manu.
<!– BLOCKQUOTE> "Men are superior to women." — The Koran. </BLOCKQUOTE –>
“One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.” — Confucius.
“It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.” — Schopenhauer.
“Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.” — Grover Cleveland, 1905.
Man: You remind me of the sea.
Woman: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting ?
Man: NO, because you make me sick !
“I don’t understand how women can spend so much money, I mean, understand, she don’t drink, and she’s got her own pussy!”
“The real trouble with women is that they have *all* the pussy.”
“The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.”
mostl women will admit that they vastly prefer soft flufy,lacy pillows to hairy,smelly.lazy partners who snore.women who’ve savoured life and been arround will also teel you that the secret of their successful love lives has been seprate bedroom and more importantly,seprate bathrooms.(shobha dey..surviving men)
men say they can’t stand women play hard-to-get.not true.Non-availability is very attractive provided the potential endures.Nothing fires up a fellow as much as fantasy.He likes the thought of conquest more than the conquwst itself A ‘material girl’ senses this plays the waiting game panache.Alas,a poor wife rarely has a choice.She speaks,not from a position of strength but object dependence.
(shobha de..surviving men)